gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
