if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
