Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
