I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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