those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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