A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
