we have pet lesbian snakes
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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