at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
