1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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