Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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