Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
