that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
