i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize