Buhtt sex?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
