Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize