I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
