yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
