Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
