New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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