Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
