It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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