juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
