I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
