feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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