Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
