honey bunches of taint.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
