can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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