so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
