She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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