Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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