she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
