Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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