Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
