woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
