So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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