He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
