Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
