I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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