I'm gonna have a badass scar
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
