ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
