Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
