First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
