Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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