He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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