He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
