I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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