I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
