I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
