please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
