I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
