I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
