just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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