you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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