listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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