i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
