this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
