I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this boner is exhausting
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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