Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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