now i know why i became what i already was.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
