Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize