I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
