I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
