my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
