yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize