she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
