We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
