After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
PANTIES FOUND
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