Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
