Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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