8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
