i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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