I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
