She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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