Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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