You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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