is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
