I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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