There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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