your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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