that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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