I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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